5 Signs Youre Not Ready to Date a Single Parent

5 Signs Youre Not Ready to Date a Single Parent More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Dating a single parent isnt right for everyone and it isnt something to enter into lightly. No matter how much chemistry you share or how much you both value your relationship, there will be times when the kids interrupt, take precedence over your relationship, and require the devoted attention of their parent. Youll plan a special outing andâ€"boomâ€"someone gets sick. Or youll have a long day and just want to unwind, only to find the kids ramped up and rowdy. Dating someone with kids has its perks, but it also has its challenges, all of which require careful consideration, especially for first-timers. If this reality gives you pause, itll be important for you to consider whether youre ready, willing, and able to embrace all that comes with dating into a family. It can be hard to know upfront whether dating a single parent is right for you, but youll save a lot of heartbreak if you are honest with yourself and potential partners from the beginning. Here are several indicators that dating a single parent might not be a good fit for you right now. Youre Jealous of the Kids Lets face it: No one really likes sharing their mate. For most of us, jealousy is in our nature. But when youre dating a single parent, being jealous of the kids will get you nowhere. (Well, thats not quite true; it may get you sent out the doorâ€"quickly!) While there arent many dating issues that are black-and-white, this is one of them. If youre competitive with the kids, youre setting your relationship up for failure. Being jealous puts the parent in the middle and isnt healthy for the kids, which leads to more tension than most relationships can handle. How to Handle It When you experience jealousy, stop and acknowledge the emotion. If, after giving it some thought, you think the issue is worth bringing up, find some time when the two of you can talk about it alone. Come clean about how youre feeling and talk about what you both value in your relationship. Then, explore how you might be able to let go of the jealousy. For example, it might help to make it a point to share little reminders of how much you each value your relationship in the hectic mix of your everyday lives.   Youre Looking for Spontaneity If youve never dated a single parent before, you may be used to some degree of spontaneity in your romantic relationshipsâ€"especially in the beginning. Theres no denying that being able to drop everything and go off by yourselves can help to cement your bond. But this is trickier to accomplish with a single parent. Grabbing a last-minute romantic lunch or jet-setting to your dream destination on a moments notice may not be possible for a single parent, particularly if they are parenting primarily on their own, have no family nearby, or dont have reliable childcare. The reality is that spontaneity looks different when children are a part of the mix. Childcare, including the schedule and needs of the kids, will always be a top priority. How to Handle It If spontaneity is an absolute must, then you may not do well dating a single parent. You Resent Biting Your Tongue About Parenting Issues Especially early on, you should anticipate biting your tongue a lot. Its important to respect that there are many ways to parentâ€"and that your partner is the parent of the child. Its easy to come in from the outside and judge another persons parenting choices but its unlikely to be welcomed, particularly if it isnt communicated from a place of helpfulness, compassion, restraint, curiosity, and humor. Your partner is the experienced parent, and theyre probably not interested in having you step in and critique their parenting style or discipline tactics, particularly early on in a relationship. That said, it is worth considering if you see compatibility with your partners parenting approach. If you have significant concerns in this area, say about their approach to discipline, autonomy, or family dynamics, the partnership might not be the best fit for either of youâ€"especially if you hope to have children of your own in the future. How to Handle It Generally, its important to wait to be asked before sharing your opinion on parenting issues. (Unless, of course, youre telling your partner that theyre doing a great job!) Remember, too, that even newly married couples who live with their stepchildren often hold off on disciplining one anothers kids until theyve had sufficient time to earn the right to be a co-disciplinarian. You Want to Control Timing When youre dating a single parent, its ideal to respect their timing when it comes to introducing you to the kids and taking your relationship to the next level of merging your families. You might be ready to get to know the kids but the single parent has much more at stake when they invite you into their family. The emotional well-being of the children, as well as facilitating an optimal relationship between you and the kids, are pressing concerns that the parent needs to weigh. One issue many new couples argue about is how much physical affection to show in front of the kids. It can be downright hard to hold off on taking your partners hand or kissing them when and how you want. But its important to consider how this might make your partner (and the kids) feel. If you cant respect their judgment and comfort level on how much time to spend with the kids and what kinds of intimacy are OK in their presence, this relationship may not be right for you. How to Handle It Respect and be patient with your partners timing. Pushing can make them feel caught in the middle between doing whats right for your relationship and whats right for the kids. Thats a position neither of you will want to be in for long. You Dont Like Kidsâ€"or These Specific Kids This should be a no-brainer, but youd be surprised how many people (men and women alike) think theyll get over it in time, only to rediscover later that they never wanted to live with or help raise someone elses children. A similar issue is wanting children of your own when your partner has expressed that they dont want more children. These are big issues that come up fast when dating a single parent. If you love the parent but are only so-so on the kids, this relationship may be one to walk away from. Be compassionate and honest with yourselfâ€"and your partner. Your feelings arent right or wrong. The key is to acknowledge how you feel about having kids (and these specific kids) in your life (in the present and future) and make decisions about your relationship with those feelings in mind. How to Handle It If youre uncertain about the child component, own up to it from the start and avoid investing your time and your heart in a relationship that will fail. While either of you could change your mind down the road, theres no guarantee that you will. At the very least, be honest about any misgivings you have about your partners children as well as about your desire (or lack of desire) for children in the future. A Word From Verywell Only you can truly know if youre up for dating a single parent and all that comes with the relationship. While there are a million bonuses that come with dating into a family, there are some challenges that can be hard to overcomeâ€"especially if this is your first experience with a single parent or youre personally not ready for kids. Above all else, be respectful of your partner and the children involved. Be honest about how you feel and what works for you at this stage of your life. If its time to say goodbye, do so lovingly, without dragging it out or assuming things will change.  The kids are here to stay. The question is, are you?